London is a hard place to be, especially when you don’t know where your next months rent is coming from…
So after dropping out of university and having a major reality check, it was time to move on from my three years of working in Apple stores across the south of England and time to find a ‘real’ job. A real job you say? What is that?
A real job was something which was supposed to be more fulfilling with more responsibility and accountability and was supposed to require more grit. I thought I’d found that in the job which I accepted an offer for. I didn’t think that in under three months, I would be made redundant. But lo and behold, I am jobless and the anxiety levels are through the roof. So the first thing that I have to say is that it’s ok to 1. Admit that you have lost your job and 2. Admit that you having lost your job is making you anxious. Even for your average Joe with 0 problems (i.e. doesn’t struggle with their mental health), being made redundant is a struggle.
Since receiving the news, I have fluctuated between angry and upset and had a real struggle getting up in the morning with very limited motivation to do anything because I don’t know what the point is. Just when I thought that everything was on the up and changing for the better and I had some stability, it was as if someone dropped a nuclear bomb on my world which has been poisoning me gradually, day by day.
So how do you deal with it? Well, i’m trying to do that now, I’m still learning… You start looking for jobs and applying EVERYWHERE. If you think about probability, you’re more likely to get a job if you apply for 100 than if you only apply for 10. You try your best to stay positive by surrounding yourself with the best people and going out and trying new things and trying to stay afloat. You can’t help but feel like you’re not good enough sometimes because applying for jobs is HARD WORK, it’s a job in itself. But you have to keep trying. Give yourself well deserved breaks and rewards for your hard work and be sure to take yourself out of the space you’ve been job hunting in.
Doing something spontaneous with my love turned out to be the best thing for healing after what was a really difficult weekend of trying to juggle and entertain and remain the positive energetic hostess with the mostest – how exhausting. After many tears held back by professionalism at my desk on Tuesday, my first day back in after a week’s leave, Kieran and I went to an event called ‘Woodburner Music’ which happens every Tuesday at Dalston Eastern Curve Garden which has now got to be one of my favourite venues in London. Its about a two minute walk from Dalston Junction Station but feels like you have stepped into a cute countryside festival location. It may have been simply a way to distract me from the fact that I need to find a job but I was laughing and smiling, enjoying music from the likes of @tianamajor9 and @bluelab_beats and @projectkarnak in the most tranquil of settings.
So here I am, finishing off this post, on my way home with my modern day, more practical version of ‘the little brown box’ after having scooped up all of my desk top possessions and walked out and I am free and unemployed in London. Oh there is so much fun to be had….