A letter to my former self

Words and photography by Siân Irvine

This is a collaborative post with http://www.abeautifulmind.life

Dear Siân 

I’m sorry. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.

I’m sorry that you never felt enough. I’m sorry that I let you believe that. I’m sorry for letting it consume and envelope you and let it take root in your mind, and convince you that it was true. I’m sorry that I never treated you right- mind and body. I didn’t understand. 

I’m sorry that I let people drag you down and mistreat you, using you as a whipping post and a scape goat. I’m sorry that you believed you were able to save them, and I’m sorry that they hurt you and let you down. I’m sorry for ever letting you believe that you deserved to be treated that way. 

I’m sorry that I didn’t give you the love, care and nourishment that you deserved. I’m sorry for the poor coping mechanisms, and I’m sorry for letting you believed that this was a healthy way to deal with your problems. 

I’m sorry for letting you believe that you weren’t enough. 

I forgive you. I forgive you for turning your body into a battleground against yourself. I forgive you for the self hatred, loathing. I forgive you for ever letting yourself get that low, because they lessons you found there are so, so valuable. 

Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for single handedly clawing your way out of the hole you dug yourself into. Thank you for recognising and realising that you deserved better than this. Thank you for showing strength and resilience. Thank you for chasing your dreams, even when it was hard. Thank you for paving the way to the life you deserve. 

I love you. I love your determination, and I love your positivity. I love your creativity and how it carves a path throughout your whole life. I love your empathy and sensitivity- how you’ve turned this from a negative to a positive. I love your eyes, your smile, your freckles. I love your body- once a shell that you hated, now a strong fortress built on solid foundations. I love your mental fortitude. I love your ability to see good in people. Your ability to make a change. 

I will forever use these lessons to propel you forward. I will never underestimate you again. I’m sorry. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. 

Processed with VSCO with b6 preset

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